beachmom23

gone

2009-10-26T18:27:00.001-07:00

but not forgotten - wow, life is BUSY!!!

finally it is FRIDAY!!

2009-09-18T02:42:00.001-07:00

I am so happy it is Friday I could do a little dance ... maybe not, but TGIF!!!! I am working in the office at the kid's school today and am really looking forward to getting out of the house for the day. The days seem to be dragging lately, but I think that is because of a major procrastination jag I am on. There is a ton of paperwork that needs to be done, and day after day, I find ways to avoid it. AVOIDANCE just sucks ... and nothing (I really mean nothing) gets done while more work just keeps piling up.

I am not complaining - this is not an uncommon occurrence in my life, just one that usually takes me a week to overcome about 3 times a year. Once I beat it this time, the procrastination bug won't get me again for another quarter .. .but it is a bear when I am in the middle of it. Age has helped me realize that although unproductive, I am working my way through whatever issues need to be dealt with and I will be fine on the other side. I don't say, I WON'T LET THIS HAPPEN ANYMORE ... because I know that it is ridiculous of me to think I won't fall in this valley again ... it used to take me months to get out, not weeks. So, accepting and working my way through is the best way to go.

This has turned into a depressing post, but I am not in a sad place ... the kids are still loving school, beachboy has the day off today (I accepted this day of work before I knew his schedule, but he will be super-happy spending the day with a great friend) and the other two are just happy I will be in school with them The early start time isn't making anyone happy, but it will be a great day!!

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time keeps on slippin'

2009-09-16T08:33:00.000-07:00

WOW, it has been over a MONTH since I last posted! Guess there is no chance of getting the "regular poster" award ...

The new school year has started out beautifully - I couldn't ask for a better group of teachers for the kids and all three seem very happy with their schools and their classes. Beachboy started middle school this year and is going to a new school that not many of his classmates are going to. Fortunately, there was a good sized group of boys last year who went to this school so he has plenty of friends and allies who are showing him the ropes. As nervous as he was about the workload, he seems to be handling it right now - we will see how things go when swimming starts.

Beachgirl is the "big girl on campus" this year as she prepares for Middle School next year. Even though we have a fairly small school, she didn't really have any friends in her homeroom this year. I don't believe in asking for (and the principal doesn't believe in agreeing to) her moving out of her homeroom ... but what a joy watching her make new friends and deal with a "Mr. teacher" for the first time. She is having a great time and taking homework very, very seriously (help me!!)

Beachkid is about a head and a half taller than anyone else in his class, but is having a great time ... he is definitely "in his element" and his teacher is just wonderful in dealing with his little personality quirks! She has already given him a little folder of extra work so that he doesn't have much down time - down time is BAD for the little guy!!

We are still waiting, praying, begging, etc. for my job opportunity to come through next month. I can't talk much about it, but if this comes through - things will be so much better financially for us, mentally I might return to sanity (I love being a Mom, but I have been home for WAAAAAYYYY too long), our family life will go through some serious changes - but I will make sure those changes are for the "good"!! Say a prayer for us!!!

dental drama ...

2009-08-14T06:01:00.001-07:00

I was a very bad mama and due to some financial "issues" I did not take the kids to the dentist last year. The guilt was awful and I made a vow that even though our financial situation is not any better, I could not go another 6 months without getting the kids checked out by the dentist. For the last month one-by-one they all had dentist appointments, and thank goodness, all was GREAT except for one cavity in beachgirl's 6 year old molar.

AND HERE IS THE ISSUE ... when beachgirl was 5 1/2 I spent $200 to have sealants put on those blessed molars. When she was almost 6 I was told that one of the sealants had come off and it was going to cost another $65 to have another put back on that one tooth. At the age of 7 1/2 the dentist told me that she had her first cavity (not a feat I was proud of...) and it was UNDER that sealant! Well, at this appointment they let me know she had ANOTHER CAVITY UNDER THAT SEALANT!!! I was not happy, but what is one to do?

Yesterday, I took beachkid (now 6) for his checkup and beachgirl for her filling. $450 later, the hygienist AND the dentist came out to "let me know" that beachkid's 6 year molars are all in and they had time right then to go ahead and put on the sealants for a mere $250 so that I didn't need to schedule and come back another time. Wasn't that nice of them...to be so considerate of my time?

I laughed and left ... I know eventually I will have to do the sealants, but who are we kidding? NOT TODAY, the dentist has gotten the only $1000 from me he is getting this month!

I will learn ...

2009-08-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

to not let my husband take my camera (yes, the one he bought for me) with the really special lens without making him take a blood oath that he will return it to me WITH THE CARD IN THE CAMERA!!

Here's the story ... I woke the kids up early this morning so that beachboy could go skim boarding before the beach gets crowded. Aside from the insidious flies, it was a beautiful morning ... smooth ocean, beautiful sun reflecting off the beautiful smooth ocean ... the sand was gleaming as the water broke gently along the shore break. Beachboy was skimming skillfully (well as skillfully as he can - he is still learning) and then he took a break to try to teach beachkid just how to get on his board. Precious heads working out the details on the gleaming sand in front of the beautiful smooth ocean reflecting the beautiful sun ... can't you see it?!?

I hope YOU CAN because I tried to get a picture of this wonderful scene ... MY CAMERA DIDN"T HAVE A MEMORY CARD ... it is still in my husband's laptop.

you just never know ...

2009-08-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

So many times "life" gets in the way of making sure we actually live our daily existence to the fullest. Finances, overscheduling, weight issues, keeping up with everything that "should" get done ... EVERYTHING seems to demand so much of our time and energy. I stumbled upon a blog the other day that reminded that all of the piddly little things that I do everyday pale in comparison to the "important" things in life ... and that is making sure that the people you love know that you love them.

This story comes from www.priorfatgirl.com .... a blog that I came across through a blog of a blog of a blog that I had been reading while I continue searching for inspiration as I continue to lose 40 pounds since my stroke last June. I loved reading Jen's blog - loved her style, her commitment ... the fact that she had DONE IT ... and the support that she obviously had from so many around her. Two days after I read many many of her posts I logged in to find out that her mother had been suddenly killed in an accident while she was out walking her grandson in his stroller. My heart stopped beating for a minute and my breath wouldn't come.

I know that seems dramatic, but 27 years ago my mother lost her mom (my Mom-mom) in a sudden car accident when SHE was going to pick up her grandson for a weekend at the farm. I finally worked up the nerve this morning to comment on Jen's website just to reach out and let her know that, I don't know, maybe I just wanted to let her know that although the pain is unbearable now, and she doesn't want it to ever be less unbearable, she will survive. There are STILL days, even 27 years later that the pain is so acute for my mother that you would think the accident happened yesterday ... but often during those periods we can all look back and see how Mom-mom was helping us get through something difficult, painful or necessary.

SO, the length of our time here on earth is not promised. Live, love and give ... get the chores done in-between these three most important jobs. My heart, prayers and tears have gone to Jen for the last week and will continue to do so - her pain and sorrow will ebb and flow, but she will always have an angel on her shoulder.

bear with me ...

2009-08-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

... while I figure out this new platform!! I have had a self-hosted blog for the last couple of years and have decided to go the hosted (nee FREE) route for the time being. I am getting used to the bells and whistles as well as the limitations and changes ... and while it is not going very well at the moment ... no doubt I WILL figure this out!

My blog is very simply about our little family and the trouble we can get into. I grew up in a small beach resort town and two years after our eldest was born, we returned to that same small beach town to raise our little (but expanding) family. We have been "home" now for 9 years, life has had its ups and downs, but all in all we are a happy little group in a great little area!

Enjoy.

so ... I think we might slow down now!!

2009-07-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

We have been having a great summer ... well, by my standards we are. Last summer was spent recuperating from my "Stroke of Luck" and while the kids had more to do than should be humanly possible, I didn't spend much time with them. Between the beachdays, play-dates, sleepovers, water park festivals, etc. they were spoiled while I went to physical therapy, regulated my medicines and tried to get back to my normal self. Anyone who has tried to speed-heal through something knows that is a bit of a joke!

ANYWAY, this summer has been very different from last - and I have been around to enjoy it! So, I will try to put together a little picture montage of the last few weeks...

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL ... they were really mad at me, but for the life of me I cannot remember why!!

THEN the 4th of July arrived ... community bike parade and festivities GALORE! Fireworks from the floor of my daughter's bathroom (yes, all 5 of us were huddled in her bathroom to watch the fireworks from the direction of the ocean)

No, it is not beer pong ... just more 4th games.

AND THEN....

THE BIG 10th BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION ... new bike, new camera and a scavenger hunt around the neighborhood - lots of fun and many traditions maintained!!

MORE 10th BIRTHDAY!! I would show you more pictures of the great time had by all, but that would involve pictures of kids other than my own, and I am not sure I want to step over that line!!

BUT ... have to talk about the frozen pineapple flowers that I made as a pre-lunch snack ... HOW MARTHA AM I???? I did my daughter proud - I think she was even a little surprised that I pulled it off!!

Once we survived the birthday and the party, it was time for beachboy to go to lacrosse camp ... and then dad and mom went to the Naval Academy to watch him play some games. It was AWESOME, he had such a great time - and I actually think he learned a thing or two!! While playing 8 to 10 hours a day of lacrosse does not necessarily make me a happy camper, it is the next closest thing to heaven for this 11 year old defenseman! He was exhausted, banged and bruised and was shocked that "my feet actually grew in the middle of the week" when he explained why his feet were hurting so badly! He didn't realize that cleats were not meant to be worn for 12 hours a day!! What an awesome experience for him - and while we certainly missed him, it was well worth it!!

Throw in a TON of Swimming

some VBS

GIRLS LAX DAY CAMP ads/2009/07/2009-mw-lax-camp-1_thumb.jpg" width="244" border="0">

and Reading to the DOGS ...

We have been busy, busy, busy!! Life is good right now - and I am grateful everyday for what I do have. That doesn't mean all is perfect all the time, but it is certainly good!! Hope you are having a great summer, too!!

what can I say???

2009-07-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

HE'S A DORK!!!

so, I have not fallen off the face of the earth ...

2009-07-10T00:41:00.000-07:00

... but it certainly feels like it! The old blog had some dustbunnies and cobwebs (hmmm, my house looks like that too, I think I detect a theme!!) when I returned. Neglect is not a pretty thing, but the last couple of weeks I have been focusing on birthdays (upcoming 10 year old beachgirl birthday, wow!!), holidays and getting everyone to three different camps within a 30 minute timeframe. I need a vacation!!!!

All is as ok as it can be, my procrastination "issue" has cropped up again with regards to some house stuff and even worse, with finances!! I don't know about you, but when I don't have enough money in the bank account to pay ALL the bills, it is really tough finding the time to pay ANY of the bills. Not a very good system and I certainly don't recommend it because, guess what, the bills won't go away ... AND there will be even less money in the bank account!! I think I need therapy.

Swim season is going beautifully - the kids had a huge meet last night and beachgirl had the best meet of her entire little swimming career! Beachboy had (yawn, hum) another great meet - I think he might be "athlete of the week" in next week's paper - his technique looks fabulous, he makes it all look so effortless (yes, I am a little jealous of my own son!!) The most exciting part of the evening ... beachdude (the 6 year old) swam in his first swim meet last night!!! SOOOOO exciting for him and for us - he has been such a good sport over the last couple of years going to all of the meets and cheering on his brother and sister ... and now he is part of the action!! He did very well, and probably won a couple of events, but it was so much fun watching him!!

Enough gushing for now ... going to enjoy an 85 degree day!!

thanks Mr. Tick ... we are headed to the doc tomorrow!

2009-07-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

So, I am sure it is not a big deal at all, well at least I really don't think that it is a big deal ... ok, it better not be a big deal because I will be really really mad. If you remember from the really icky picture of the tick earlier in the week, the missy over there had a tick embedded in her head about a week and a half ago. We got it out, but I have been watching the spot fairly closely since it happened. There has been no red or hot spot around the spot where the tick was, but it also hasn't gone back to normal yet. It keeps scabbing over (the chlorine in the pool keeps softening the scab so it comes off) and just hasn't gone away yet. Tonight, after wearing a headband for a majority of the day, she asked me to look at it because it was bugging her. Still not red, but now there is a LUMP ... A LUMP I TELL YOU ... where at one time there was a tick!!! I am not a happy camper and we will be heading to the doctor first thing in the morning just to make sure all is OK. Wish us luck!!

weigh in wednesday

2009-07-01T02:29:00.000-07:00

I am now higher than where I started ... enough said.

ok, I am tired of my email provider...

2009-06-29T07:11:00.000-07:00

I have wasted an ENTIRE DAY trying to have an argument with one of my clients while having an email account that is working sporadically at best!! Yes, calling this woman would be my best bet, but at this moment I simply cannot call her because if I start screaming at her stupidity and lack of respect ... I might not stop and that would really freak out the kids!!

I am tired of people who assume they can do my job better than I can when they have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what it is I do. "Just hire someone to take care of it" ... yeah, I would love to do just that ... but the BUDGET doesn't allow me to do that! I am a property manager for a very small property that has extremely ridiculous insurance rates because we are so close to the beach, so my owners pay a lot of money annually, but they only get limited services because 3/4 of their payments go toward the insurance payment. Husbands usually come to our meetings so they "get it" ... it is their wives who don't come to the meetings and think they have all of the answers and don't understand why I don't just adopt their solutions because they are so smart and they KNOW all the answers.

AND THEN ... they tell me that I obviously don't have a "passion" for running this property because I actually have the nerve to tell them "NO" to some ridiculous request. OHHHHHH, I am not a happy camper right now.

OK, vent over...

my song for this beautiful day

2009-06-24T03:16:00.000-07:00

Pool day, pool day ... dear old cold and freezing pool day!

I am completely avoiding the scale this morning, I am scared, I have no good excuses for this past week ... after such a great start with my challenge I have completely failed. I love eating and I love my family that loves eating. So, I will get on the scale a bit later in the day!

ewwwwwww

2009-06-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

our daughter came to me this afternoon and asked me to look at the "bump" on her head. YUP, it was a TICK - OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I don't like ticks, I don't do ticks, I have not had to get a tick off of my kids in 11 years ... and no, I did not handle it well.

AND, I think I scared the poor child half to death! I was working on removing it when I felt her getting hotter and hotter, she started to get limp and POOF, she passed out! Not once, but TWICE ... and the second time I had a really hard time getting her to come around! Now then, after having a baby who had seizures and then went unconscious, I actually handled the passing out fairly well until I couldn't get her to rouse. Sure enough, she finally came around ... fortunately before I called 911 ... but MAN, she was green and white and limp and scared the be-jeezus out of me.

AND, I STILL HAD TO GET THAT DRATTED TICK OUT OF HER HEAD!! It hadn't started getting blood yet, but it was really embedded! I ended up putting a drop of dishsoap on it and it backed right back out ...

and I burned it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fabulous weekend!!

2009-06-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

When Hubbie and I were married, I had a 2 year old niece and an infant niece who belonged to the brother and sister-in-law who have become my absolute favorite people in the whole wide world. I would even consider moving to NJ just so that we could live closer to them. We all have just SOOOO much fun together, we laugh, we drink, we eat and we just sit and chat for hours and hours on end.

That 2 year old niece GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL last week and we spent the weekend celebrating with her, her friends and some of the family. We had such a great time - loved catching up with everyone, but mostly just had a great great weekend. My sister-in-law and I actually had tears in our eyes when we left because it is just that hard to say goodbye! She really touched my heart when she looked at me and said "you are the sister I never had, thank you for being part of my family"!! The feeling is absolutely mutual ... I just thought I was the only one who felt that way!

CONGRATS to my niece - I am so proud of you and the amazing woman you are becoming. I envy you the journey you are about to have, remember to always hold fun in one hand and love in the other.

weigh in wednesday

2009-06-17T03:21:00.000-07:00

no floating balloons today ... so sorry to my team-mates. After my 3 pound loss last week...

I am UP ONE today. Bummer, bummer, bummer.

But, I won't beat myself up ... I won't moan and complain ... I will just keep at my improved habits and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE MORE!!! I have been home by myself all week and really focusing on house-cleaning. Scrubbing walls and baseboards and the really intense stuff! Everytime my mind starts wandering and I start looking for a break, the easiest place to "escape" is to the pantry searching for something to eat. Am I really hungry, nope, just bored, and eating allows me to stop cleaning for a while, pick up a magazine and stop for a few minutes. I just realized this yesterday ... so I should be ok for the rest of the week.

The other problem ... since the kids are away, we are going to our favorite restaurants for our favorite meals ... and guess what, I don't love low-calorie, low fat food just because it is good for me. Fortunately we are good friends with most of the chefs, so it is easy for me to ask them to downsize my portions ... and that has been a huge step in the right direction, BUT the decadant desserts don't help.

All in all, I guess I should be happy I only gained 1 and not 15 ... but I do feel bad about letting down my teammates. Sorry guys, I will try to post a balloon next week! How did you do this week - any suggestions for a carb-lovin, food-obsessed Mom???

Monday monday

2009-06-15T02:46:00.000-07:00

This might be one of my favorite weeks of the year! School ended on Friday, the weekend was spent HAVING FUN ... no homework, housework, worries about school this week! We spent ALL DAY (well 10 - 6 all day) at the local water park on Saturday in spite of so-so weather, made fabulous ribs for dinner last night - LOW & SLOW was my hubbie's motto all afternoon, a few episodes of Food Network's Food Challange with the kids and everyone tucked in snug as bugs by 9:30. Comfy, cozy ... just perfect.

AND TODAY????? All three kids just left me here all by myself while they went on vacation with my parents and I won't see them until FRIDAY!!! I am the happiest of happy campers right now. While I will miss them, I have a laundry list of awesome stuff that I am going to do by myself every afternoon. Why only the afternoons? Because I am going to house clean every morning.

House clean???? Yup, and I am really looking forward to it ... see I haven't been able to scrub walls, pull furniture to the center of the rooms, vacuum EVERYTHING, and toss clutter since before last June and it is just killing me!! I am not a clean-freak by any stretch of the imagination, but we have way way way too much clutter that has accumulated over the last year and there is simply no room for anything else. So, with no kids here to try and hoard stuff, I am cleaning, making everything smell fresh as daisies and turning my radios up really really loud.

Now, if you want to come and join me, help yourselves ... there will be some dancing going on!!

Summer is finally here!!!

2009-06-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

This was the first day of school ...

TODAY IS THE LAST!!!!!

Congratulations to my three little scholars ... can't wait for a fabulous summer!!

STROKE OF LUCK DAY ... one year down

2009-06-11T03:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a weird one ... emotionally, spiritually, physically. I had no idea what to expect, I didn't know how it was going to go - would it be a happy day, a sad day?!?

First of all, we named June 10th "Stroke of Luck Day" ... the kids didn't like the name S-day, so we spent breakfast putting our brains together and figuring out a name for the day. So, as the 6 year old says "we can tell OUR kids that we are celebrating because Mommy was LUCKY on June 10th 2008 to have a stroke".

I had all kinds of plans to celebrate yesterday, but hubbie ended up having to go to a conference and left the house at 5:30, the kids had a full day of school and swim practice and I ended up going to a funeral of a lovely mother of 2 who died of complications from Cystic Fibrosis. I really struggled with the idea of going to the funeral, I just didn't know that emotionally I could handle it, but in the end, I couldn't NOT go ... and I am so glad that I did.

Sitting at her service, with more than 500 people in the church, I received such a vivid reminder that God could have taken me last year and my family would have spent the day remembering that June 10th was the day that Mom had a stroke and now she is gone. I really needed that reminder, especially right now. I have stopped being grateful lately, and have been harboring a lot of resentment about the little things that I have not yet overcome. More importantly I have not overcome them not because of illness, but because I am still using having a stroke as an excuse. I have become a bit of a hermit, I won't take on any projects because I am scared of becoming overwhelmed and stressed. I am not working out anymore, I am finally getting back to walking on a daily basis ... but I really want to do more, be more, be a better example for the kids.

I am not positive how to make the changes that I want to make, but the first place to start is to get outside of my own head. As my husband says to the kids ... IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT ME!!! I kind of stopped focusing on others and helping others in the last year while I healed, but I finally know focusing on myself is not helping my outlook nor is it making me the person I want to be.

SO, all that said, Happy Lucky Stroke Day to me ... and it looks like the First Anniversary might just be the luckiest day of all.

Kelly, we will all miss you and we will all be there for the kids ... you can count on us!!!

weigh in wednesday ...

2009-06-10T01:43:00.000-07:00

3 POUNDS LIGHTER!!

WOOHOO, I am down this week!!! Happy happy me. On good news days like this, I am happy to report first thing in the morning. I haven't managed to massively change my life, like I wanted to ... but the small changes through the week certainly helped! I drank a little more water, spent more time walking in the mornings, made it to the gym, and cut back on portion sizes even if I didn't cut out all of the fun party foods. Point is, I still have new options to try next week and will hopefully post another loss.

in 51 minutes ...

2009-06-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

it will have been one year since I was a healthy 38 year old who had a brain stem stroke! Of course, the aniversary should mean absolutely nothing ... it is certainly not going to happen again on the same day, but all of us (the kids included) are feeling a little wierd about getting through tomorrow without anything bad happening.

I went out for a few drinks with some great friends tonight and just "because" we started with a shot to celebrate life and living through some pretty traumatic events over the last year. Without my friends, I don't know that the year would have gone as smoothly - and I just wanted to remind them that my gratitude is boundless ... and is there a better way to do that than with a shot????

So ... happy S-day to me tomorrow ... not sure how I will be celebrating, but I do know that I will be celebrating that I have survived a stroke and even better ... survived it with absolutely no side effects. I think someone was looking out for me!!!

wierd

2009-06-09T04:51:00.000-07:00

WOW, toes are wierd. I have a post about pedicures, but in the process I wanted to take a picture of my poor broken toenail (TOTALLY SUX, I rarely have my toes painted and after 2 days I kicked something ... still don't know what ... and snapped the corner of my toenail) so that I could whine and complain that now I don't have 10 decent toes thus I can't use my favorite color.

IN THE PROCESS, I realized that my feet are not pretty!! I have always had big feet - after all, I am 5'12" tall. I never was able to buy the cute shoes that were on display - by the time we made it up to a beautiful size 11, there was no question that I was wearing lifeboats on my feet. But this is beyond big, they are lumpy, scaly and my toes all have very funny shapes. This is, by the way, one of 35 pictures - you should see the really bad ones! At least they hold me up!

water water everywhere!

2009-06-08T23:04:00.000-07:00

so proud of me, I managed a 4 mile walk (probably a little slower than usual since I didn't have my cruel and evil friend with me...) but 4 miles none the less and while I didn't drink as much water as "they" recommend, I did split my Diet Coke addiction with water. So, good job!

We received some sad news about the wife of a friend of mine from high school who died on Sunday of CF. With two young children in the mix, I just cried for our dear friend who now has an entirely different life ahead of him. Even knowing that she was not going to live to see the kids grown up had to put an unusual twist on life, but now he actually has to live that out ... makes me cry just sitting here. I love that while the service will be in the church, the gathering afterwards will be at a community pool "bring a covered dish and your bathing suit" were the instructions - I think that is a wonderful way for the kids to remember Mom and such a tribute to a great woman. Kind of puts life in perspective, doesn't it?

OK, a few apologies ...

2009-06-08T03:46:00.000-07:00

Not only am I doing a lousy job of negotiating the weight loss world, now I am doing a HORRID job of getting in touch with my teammates ... AND, I still haven't figured out how to make my "team silver" tag work. SO, I am working on my 'hellos' and it sounds like

Sarah

Summer

Kristina

Nicole G.

Amy H.

are the awesome group of chicks (yes, it appears they are ALL younger and smaller than I) who I will be hanging out with for the next 7 weeks. I know I am missing some web sites, and will work on getting those updated.

OK, on to the important stuff, I limited but did not cut out the eating over the weekend. OF course, we ended the weekend with an impromptu Chinese Feast - can anyone say "WATER WEIGHT"??? I woke up this morning and my ankles and toes were huge!! I manged to eak out my walk, although my friend couldn't join me, so I am sure I slacked a bit.

Today is paperwok day, so hopefully I will have some opportunity to get out of my chair a little later on...a whole day at my desk is never a good solution for me!!

OK, time for a little freak-out!

2009-06-06T04:10:00.000-07:00

OMG, the kids are done school NEXT week!!! This is not good news for me and I am having a few little mini-panic attacks about it!

I have not planned

I am not done all of my winter work

My paperwork is not caught up

The d&$% school keeps calling me to substitute and I have a hard time turning down the cash-ola (pathatic as it may be, it is still cash)

What is our schedule going to be?!?!?!!

My desk is overflowing (AGAIN) with paperwork that needs to be finished...

maybe this will be the summer we will just go with the flow and enjoy each other ...

Yeah, RIGHT!!!

and now, there is an ANT on my computer screen ... I HATE ANTS!!!

woo-hoo

2009-06-03T23:31:00.000-07:00

Got our team assignment, can't wait to get to know 'my girls' and in 7 weeks I just pray and will work hard to get a good start on my overall weight loss!! Since I am so inspired, signed up for 3 evening classes at the Y which go on at the same time the kids are swimming. Gonna do it this time, gonna do it!!!

i'm so excited ...

2009-06-02T04:44:00.000-07:00

href="http://www.shrinkingjeans.net" target="_blank">

I am hearing from my "team members" for the upcoming team challange at the Sisterhood! This is going to be a really fun couple of weeks ~ I just hope I don't disappoint my teammates!

oops, I've done it again ...

2009-06-02T04:11:00.000-07:00

I've moved back to www.beachmom.net to continue the turning 40 saga ... PLEASE follow me there
L

i'm back home ...

2009-06-02T03:31:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone, I have finally returned to my beachmom.net home ... with a little sideline of 'questioning 40' ... things really haven't really changed very much ... more of me 'yammering' away, but I am happy to be back home again.

back on the wagon ...

2009-06-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

as much as I don't want this to be come a weight-loss blog, it will be so periodically. Actually, let's not call it a weight loss as much as a "get healthy" blog. So, as with all new (and recurring new) things, there must be a starting point ... and here we are again at yet another starting point. Back on my daily grind of watching what I eat and moving everyday. Today, hurray, I walked to school for our son's field day ... and walked home (actually turned down two rides)!!! It is a good start...

happy monday

2009-06-01T05:32:00.000-07:00

beautiful weekend #2 - GO SUMMER!!! After such a "happening" memorial day weekend, this one was much more low-key but still a wonderful one! Last week was just jam-packed with school activities and after-school stuff, and I got way behind on my work here at home. SO, I let hubbie know Friday night that I was going to be chained to my desk on Saturday trying to cross off some of my to-do list! AND it worked, I got a ton of work done in 8 hours and hubbie and the kids kept the laundry moving, installed a screen door, scrubbed the porches and just all around kept themselves busy.

The one major bummer of the weekend, was my "negative nellie" attitude before we went to friend's houses for dinner Saturday when I realized that the kitchen floor didn't get vacuumed and the sink was overloaded with dishes (to be fair, that was because the first load from the night before had been emptied and then hubbie did a load of pots and they hadn't cooled yet) from lunch. INSTEAD of being grateful for all that had gotten done during the day, I pitched a fit that "obviously I am the only one who takes my responsibilties seriously!" HOW AWFUL AM I?!?!! You can imagine the car ride to our friend's house ... but a few margarita's took care of the strife and all is happy again.

There are days I am really an awful person ... but thank goodness he still loves me!!

thinking ...

2009-05-28T01:13:00.000-07:00

there are days that I love being a Mom and there are other days that I don't love it quite as much. After a rough couple of days around here, I have come to the realization that when things are not going smoothly I can usually trace the problem to my own 'distraction'. As long as I am focusing on the kids 24/7 and don't let anything else get in the way, smooth sailing. The stresses of everyday life, PTO drama, phone calls, bills, side-projects ... even making a complicated dinner with kids at home can cause major drama in our home.

I don't think I have the skill set to majorly multi-task. I can be a mom OR design a program for a client OR spring clean the house OR send out invoices OR deal with a PTO issue ... you get the point. I know admitting you have a problem is the first step ... but I am honestly not certain how to solve this issue. The various aspects of my life seem to blend together - and they will do so even more when school is over in two weeks. I want the summer to be a great one with lots of cooperation and peace here in the house. Yet ANOTHER project to work on!!

Have a sunny day

i might be losing it ...

2009-05-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

OK, this 40 thing might not be going so smoothly after all. I was downstairs making dinner and had a bit of a 'panic attack' about getting ready for Easter. HELLO, EASTER???? Easter was two months ago ... how can I be standing at the sink and suddenly panic about a holiday that is long gone ... and we had another major holiday or two since then!! Might be losing it...

SPRING SPORTS ARE OVER!!!

2009-05-26T23:40:00.000-07:00

and this is how I spent the last weekend ... no early morning drives over hill and dale to obscure lacrosse fields with peanut butter sandwiches and gatorade for lunch. I am sad that the lacrosse season is over ... there is nothing I love better than watching the kids on the field ... but I like the freedom of this one week after field sports are over and before swimming starts up again for the summer!!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

2009-05-10T13:29:00.000-07:00

everything I want to post about today is TOTALLY inappropriate for such a lovely holiday. My husband was an absolute dream this weekend - giving me time off from being "the nagging mom" and took over that very nasty task ... he also got me a lovely gift from "Coach" ... the kids on the other hand failed miserably!!! Love them dearly, but they have taken a perfectly wonderful holiday and made me question the last 11 years of parenting.
Tomorrow will be better, I am certain of it!

procrastination

2009-05-08T02:24:00.000-07:00

If a genie were to grant me three wishes, my SECOND wish would be ... take away all of my procrastinating tendencies!!!!!!! I am the WORST PROCRASTINATOR EVER ... and the computer just makes my tendencies even more prounounced. I have been putting off doing a major household project for more than three weeks now, and I am shocked at just how well I can put off doing it. Each and every month, my bill-paying schedule gets later and later ... again, simply because of procrastination. I hate, hate, hate trying to deal with uncomfortable situations, and at the moment paying bills and not having any money left over afterwards is just way too uncomfortable ... so I am avoiding it at all possible costs.

How do you overcome procrastination ... oh, and while we are at it ... how about tips on stopping fingernail biting? Yeah, I am a little immature!!

40's coming ...

2009-05-05T03:24:00.000-07:00

a brief update on the weight debacle ...

I am averaging walking 3 days a week (yes, I want it to be 5 ... but at least it is not 0)
my meal portion is reduced
I threw margarine out of the house and now use Smart (something)
I am working really hard at not mindlessly snacking - I have a sit-down snack between meals but try to not just finish the chip bag

I guess the best thing to say is I AM AWARE ... and while I can only claim a 4 pound loss in 2 weeks, again, thank goodness it is a loss as opposed to a gain.

That being said, I have many many issues with myself regarding will-power, taking time to plan my meals, increasing my workouts ... and on an on. But the way I see it, I am only in REAL TROUBLE when I don't know what to change to try to continue to lose.

SO, -4

oops ...

2009-05-05T03:00:00.000-07:00

Molly and I obviously touched something we shouldn't have when we were in Washington on Wednesday ... the FLU (no, not the pig flying one, just the painful wishing I could die version) struck on Friday night and I finally got out of bed on Sunday and am actually feeling kind of normal today. Poor Molly suffered all weekend as well and went back to school yesterday but came home and slept for hours.

Fever, aches, pains, sore throat & ears and an awful headache when the fever was up. Having suffered from migraines for so many years, I swear my body is conditioned to upchuck when I have a bad headache - which made keeping painkillers down kind of tough. It was a bit of a catch-22 for a while.

But, on the up-side, we watched some great movies (thank goodness for on-demand), I watched waaaayyyy too much 90210 on Soap Network and basically watched my wonderful family take care of us. Love to all of them!!!

the nation's capital

2009-05-01T01:42:00.000-07:00

We had an inservice day on Wednesday. Now, usually I am the boring Mom who doesn't plan much beyond a trip to the local playground and maybe, if the kids are really good, a trip to the local McDonalds on mid-week days off. After a couple of really good weeks, great report cards, and a huge stack of paperwork on my desk that REALLY NEEDS to get done - I decided to treat everyone to a day away from the house. Until the minute we left home, the kids thought I was joking about going away for the day - "Mom, you are just teasing us, that is not nice!!"

We got up at 5am, packed sandwiches, Gatorade and krimpets, hopped in the car and drove 2.25 hours to the closest Washington DC metro stop, hopped on the metro (don't I sound cosmopolitan) and rode 30 minutes to the Smithsonian stop and spent a WONDERFUL day in the Nation's Capital.

First stop on our tour - the American History Museum where it was the kid's job to find the red ruby slippers - since they are on the top floor, it took us 3 hours of learning, reading, exploring and laughing until we finally found them. A quick stop at the gift shop for a harmonica and our "pet tornado, Chaos" and we were on to our next stop. I love this museum, and the renovation is just amazing!! The new flag exhibit brought tears to my eyes and we all "stood" on Route 66 and sang the entire song - everyone thought we were NUTS!

Next stop - walk to the White House so our 6 year old could see the outside. We stood like fools for about 45 minutes because, I swear, it looked like a presidential motorcade was about to leave any minute .. . but it never did.

On to the Natural History Museum. It was about 2:30, and honestly, everyone was getting a little tired ... plus we had just done this museum last year - so we hit the highlights - the new ocean exhibit (WOW), the mammal room - love love love the giraffes and the dinosaurs. Brief detour downstairs for a hit of ice cream and we we off to our final stop of the day.

The New Visitor's Center at the US Capitol. I didn't really think we would make it to our last stop of the day, so I didn't research it properly, and we only had 25 minutes before they closed. But, it is beautiful and so worth it to go back again!! What an amazing (but brief) history lesson for the kids and we had so much fun going back over all of their civics lessons and teaching Thomas all about the three branches of government.

Hopped back on the metro, back in the car by 6 and home by 8:30. It was a truly awesome day!! Pictures to come soon!

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood ...

2009-04-27T01:13:00.000-07:00

Feeling really really good today, got everyone out the door with no arguments raised voices or eye rolls! SUCCESS...put on my sneakers ready to go for my walk - and ran back inside because I had forgotten about the honor roll assembly this morning! It must be a beautiful day for me to completely forget about something so important!!

CONGRATULATIONS to my two oldest children who made the 'A' Honor roll again this marking period. Our fourth grader made it by the skin of her teeth, but then again, there were only 3 in her class of 26 who actually made it - it was a tough marking period for all of them. The 5th grader made it with flying colors, but I am still awfully proud of him because it means he managed to stay focused for the whole 9 weeks - which is an achievement in and of itself.

I am loving my kids today - there are just some days my awe of them is overwhelming ... and fortunately today is one of them!! Honestly, getting out the door this morning with everyone laughing and having a great time has more to do with my awe than their grades ... that is just the icing on the cake!

great day!

2009-04-21T13:42:00.000-07:00

Finally, after two weeks of thinking about it (and that is after months and months of reading about it) ... I have finally put together my wl plan (56 weeks to get to my goal ... but only 16 to get to my pre-stroke weight) ... AND I finally walked with my good friend today. First official walk-walk since June 11th (the disastrous day!!!). Everything from my chest down hurts, but I keep telling myself that it is a good hurt and will only get better as I keep moving. I will try to limit the weight loss posts, but I am sure you will quickly tire of them!!

the redhead is mine!!

2009-04-20T09:10:00.000-07:00

and now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

2009-04-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

spring break is over. I know there will come a day when I am relieved that the kids will be back in college after a REAL spring break having survived safe and sound, but right now, I am a little sad that they are back to their regular schedule and I am back to being the bus driver. A great break was had by everyone ... the kids spent three days in Williamsburg with my parents (I know, lucky me!!!) and I spent a day at a play, one with my hubbie and one getting ready for a fundraising gala on Saturday night.

Saturday was lacrosse day ... and the day was ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!!! Sunny and in the 70's - I FRIED my face and the "v" of my t-shirt, but what a great day!! Unfortunately Jack's undefeated team lost - to a group of kids who have obviously never been taught the phrase "win with humility". The winning team spent the entire 2nd game (the younger kids were playing) taunting our guys - Jack included. To their credit, our guys stayed out of the verbal war ... we are just waiting for our next match with them! To further the poor-sportsmanship of the day, our daughter's game was plagued with opposing coaches who spent 2 LONG games screaming at the ref until one particularly nasty coach was thrown off the field. I am a competitive person by nature, but come on parents, we aren't even keeping score at this level - CHILL!!

Needless to say, life is back to normal - school, sports, homework. My weight loss journey needs a serious re-invigoration (I don't even think that is a word) ... I love eating, and am controlling it, but obviously not enough.

Toodles.

in memory

2009-04-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

after my complaining about the rain and cold ... I learned about a tragic accident that took the lives of two 9 year old girls and one girl's grandmother that happened yesterday. Of course it is rainy and cold today as three families have to find a way to say goodbye to such darling creatures. My head is spinning as I even try to contemplate what those families are going through. My own daughter is spending the night at my best friend's house ... but you can bet, as soon as she comes home she will experience all the love this mother has to give.

God Bless Hannah & Madison, you are loved, you are missed and you will be at the forefront of our hearts for eternity.

rain rain go away ...

2009-04-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

yes, I know how much we need the rain, but with a house full of kids, no heat on the lower two levels (quite the statement after the $1600 bill for them to fix the system yesterday and THEN tell me that we need to wait for warm weather so we can run the AC for a month before we can get the heat to work properly ...)

I WANT SUN!!!

Happy Easter Monday

2009-04-13T06:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was certainly a joyous one! We made it to 8am services and I have never felt so sorry for those in charge! Everything that could go wrong at the 2nd most crowded service of the year, DID!! Jack was acolyte and thank goodness he wore his blazer to church because his robe was TOTALLY missing! He looks so handsome and grown up in his blazer, I doubt anyone even noticed that he wasn't wearing his robe. Then, the computer that scrolls all of the words of our hymns completely went wacky ... and no one could figure out the words after the first verse. The offering plates were completely missing, and finally the oil in the alter candles was not checked, so when Jack went back to extinguish the light and carry it out into the world, he had to do a great job of "faking it". (proud, proud mama)

All that went wrong, however, was made up for by probably the greatest Easter Sermon I have ever heard! God is good ... and he is with us. The sermon was about Mary's sorrow at the tomb when Jesus was gone ... and how so many of us "remain at the grave" when those we love pass on. If we tie the resurrection to returning to heaven, then we need to be happy (while mourning a loss) that our love ones are now with God and Jesus. I am not doing it justice at all here - but it was an amazing sermon. Even the kids were mezmerized ... and we spent a lot of time for the rest of the day talking about Jesus dying for our sins, our responsibilities as Christians, being thankful and how much we miss Chris' mom, my grandfather, and my grandmother.

Happy Easter, may you feel blessed today.

SPRING BREAK ...

2009-04-10T17:29:00.000-07:00

is here!!! Yesterday I subbed at the kid's school and felt the same envy that I felt when I was in college. EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING AWAY ... I am just going to be at home doing nothing! When I was growing up, my family was fortunate to live in a resort community, but we also owned and ran a family motel. That meant that all breaks - spring, summer, Columbus Day (not christmas or new years because it is a COOOLLLDDD beach in the winter) I spent working at the family business - that is after all how I got through college debt free!

Anyway, I was always so jealous of all of my friends who were going to fabulous places - Florida, Texas, CA ... the islands ... this year one of my good friends is going to Hawaii for 10 days with their three kids and yes, the green eyed monster is rearing its ugly head ... I WANT TO GO TOO! But, for a wide variety of reasons - namely - there is NO EXTRA cash right now, we will be hanging around home for break. The kids are truly lucky to have such wonderful grandparents as they are taking them on a little fun-filled trip Wednesday through Friday!! (I wasn't even invited!!!)

All that being said, we had a wonderful day today dying and decorating Easter Eggs, walking down to the beach (still a bit chilly and blustery), watching a movie and just being together as a mom and her kids. I even got a bit of work done while they took care of dusting and vacuuming so that we could watch our movie sooner ... sometimes they are true gems!

Happy Holidays!

why "questioning"

2009-04-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

my husband saw the title of my new blog and asked me why I used the phrase "questioning".

"God willing, you are going to turn 40 ... so what is the point in questioning it"
"Because I couldn't think of another phrase" was my oh-so-pithy answer. But it has been bugging me - I mean, he is right: 40 is coming whether I like it or not, and I am not going to spend too much time whining about getting older ... so why "questioning"?

After a half nights sleep (I don't count moving to the sofa at 3am a full nights sleep) - I think I have my answer - I am questioning who I am going to be at 40 and beyond. Will I be the same, will I be different ... is 40 like a huge New Year's Eve where I make a whole bunch of resolutions to change the person I am right now? Or do I just build on who I am now.

Frankly, deep deep down - when I get past my financial concerns and I get past my weight issues, I LOVE MY LIFE ... I just want to "live it more" or maybe I want to "live it more deliberately". I don't even really know how I want to do that, but I want to challenge all of the things that I don't like - I want to be more active, I want my kids to think I am a "young mom" instead of the matronly mother I think they believe I am now. I want to be able to run on the beach at sunrise without getting overly winded and simply appreciate the beauty that "is". I want my husband to really think I am sexy again (yes, he says he does, but I guess I want to feel it again) ... I want to feel confidence in ALL of the decisions I make about the kids - not just in a few of them. I don't want life to just keep happening to me ... I want to happen to life.

I don't even know whether all of these goals are attainable, or even if I really want all of the ramifications of them ... I just want to finally be the best me I can be - and I have quite a bit of work before I can get there!!

my birthday present to myself ...

2009-04-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

ultimately I will lose all of the weight (and then some) that I have gained since being an adult took over my daily existence. for right now, I will, in time for my birthday - JULY 30th - simply lose the sucky weight that went on after I had the stroke in June (approximately 30 pounds). we will keep track of this, report on this, and generally discuss the miraculous weight loss here - sounds fun, doesn't it?!?!

oh, and I almost forgot ...

2009-04-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

I am turning 40 in 4-ish months ... not super happy about it!! but I will be by the time that awesomest of birthdays gets here!!

it's coming ...

2009-04-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

faster and faster every single day! I am struggling with it ... but I can't stop it! I need a sense of humor ... some serious self-indulgence ... and some laughs to get me through it.

2009-04-05T15:03:00.000-07:00

After 3 years of keeping a family/mommy blog ... I have decided to spend the next few months dealing with the fact that my "dreaded 40th birthday" is quickly approaching. I am really not sure HOW I feel about it, I just know there are some things I would like to "resolve" before it gets here. Thought this would be a fun place to chat about my journey!

Science Fair Hell

2009-03-30T00:54:00.000-07:00

[caption id="attachment_89" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="still need to find non trademarked bottles!"][/caption]

Welcome to Science Fair Central where our 5th grader decided to do "something" with source water and I just became the computer junkie to help put together the board. OMG, I think hubbie and my graphic background has gotten all of us in trouble here...but everyone has learned a lot and when the judging commences, I will definitely be shooting laser eye-darts if they don't award him anything ... of course it might be the " I had WAAAAYYYYY too much help on this presentation from my parents" award!!

I'm out

2009-03-23T01:08:00.000-07:00

I love blogs, bloggers and the idea of having a blog ... unfortunately, what I love and the reality of keeping a blog are two entirely different things! SO, my blog is being retired ... I will keep my domain and probably use it to keep family and friends across the country updated with what is going on with the kids ... but in order to do that, I can't freely babble about me and my life!

I will continue to visit all of you and leave comments, but as for keeping my own blog, I am saying goodbye after three sporadic years!

Friday Night

2009-01-11T01:22:00.000-08:00

Friday night was just one of those PERFECT NIGHTS that I don't ever want to forget. Dad had a meeting that we knew would last well into the evening, so we knew we didn't have him to play with (and trust me, he is the "fun one" in the family!)

I picked the kids up from school, and they had some extra chores to take care of because they didn't make their beds nor pick up their rooms before they left for school. Instead of telling them, I just handed them a note when they got in the car and told them I wouldn't listen to any grumbling, they just needed to go home and take care of their chores.

Doesn't sound like a great start, does it?

They finished their chores within a half hour and I took a break and took a shower. Both older kids needed new swim goggles, but since they both lost theirs, they had to use their Christmas money to buy new ones ... but they really wanted to go get them. SO, we got in the car and headed out to a couple of stores to get the goggles, caps, beachgirl picked out a new suit ... and beachtoddler insisted to using some of his money at the Disney Store.

We got back in the car and discussed where we would get our Friday Night Pizza. The older kids asked if we could please go to Applebee's for dinner and they would like to "treat" mom to a night out. WE DID, and it was so much fun. The three of them and I sat in a booth for 2 hours just eating, laughing, talking & having a wonderful time. A gentleman at the next table stopped and commended "me" for such a wonderful family and said he was sure Daddy was sorry he was missing out on this great dinner out.

Everyone behaved, was civil with one another, had lively topics to discuss...I think the neatest part was that the older two were under the assumption they were paying for dinner so they were very careful with what they ordered, BUT, it was a full 4 course meal with appetizers to share, salads, entrees from the adult menu & dessert. I have not eaten that much food out in a long long time, but boy did they feel like they were kings!

(No, I didn't make them pay, but I would have if they fought through the evening!!)

yesterday was ...

2008-07-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

my 39th birthday!!! Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear meeeeee, happy birthday to me!

While I am not thrilled about the nine behind the three, I am happy about two things:

1) I made it to 39 - the last two months have given me quite a bit to think about regarding what would happen if I had not survived the stroke (I see a post about this one coming...).

The biggest revelation that I have discovered about myself is that were I to die, I want my husband to re-marry. This is a big deal for me to actually feel that way, because it has not always been the case. Hubbie and I actually had this discussion a year or so after we were married (but before kids, and maybe that makes the difference) and I told him in no uncertain terms, if I were to die, he was to spend the rest of his life pining for me.

I haven't given this much thought over the last 10 years or so, but the day I came home from the hospital, we re-visited the topic and I was obnoxiously insistent that he is to find a wonderful woman (no, not more wonderful, beautiful, kind, normal than I, but wonderful) to marry, raise the kids and spend the rest of his life with. Yes, morose, but very important to me...

2. I am not 40 (yet) ... I think it will take a good portion of the year to adjust to turning 40 next year. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for my life, family, children, hubbie, etc, but I still cling to being "in my 30's" ...

So, happy day around here ... hubbie and the kids surprised me with a zoom lens for my camera. It really was an awesome surprise because it meant that he had to do RESEARCH and make decisions about technical equipment (my area of decision making in our home) ... and now I don't have to do it!!!! Honestly, I didn't even know where to start looking for the lens, or how much to spend, or how intense it needed to be, or anything ... so not only did I get a fabulous gift, I got "time"!!

He is awesome!!

the tears are drying ...

2008-07-28T08:19:00.000-07:00

OMSH had this link this morning, and like a fool I went and clicked it (I check out most things OMSH suggests) ... and cried my eyes out!

What an absolutely amazing woman, what a profound talent, and what an amazing testimony to use your talents to provide such a gift and blessing to the families of fallen soldiers. Simply a wonderful story in my book!!

I read a great post today ...

2008-07-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

at Autobiography of my Feet that really, really got me thinking and I chose to make a "post" at that site in the comments section today!

and just what do I have to be emotional about?

2008-07-26T06:22:00.000-07:00

...since we are headed to the beach for the morning, the house is clean, laundry is caught up, beachboy is spending the day with his best friend, the other two can't wait to get to the beach ... well....

Beachdad went out last night to happy hour and (say this with big, big, big pouty lips) I WANTED TO GO PLAY WITH MY FRIENDS TOO!!!

However, I am still smart enough to know that the madness at the "toss" is way overload for me and since I wouldn't have been any fun anyway, I chose to stay home and make spaghetti for the kids.

AND NOW I AM SAAAADDDDDD

OK, this is cool!

2008-07-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

Life is Good…At the Beach » Strawberry Jam.

I stumbled across Life is Good at the Beach a couple of weeks ago, and being the beachgirl that I am, I was hooked and have loved the posts and comments. While I am a little slow on the uptake, I didn't realize that I was enjoying the writings from Canada (see I still play this blogging game with myself: while no one that I know can possibly figure out I am writing my blog, I am certain that I can peg a friend's blog from a million miles away!)

Even though I didn't know who the blogger was, I have enjoyed this one ... so imagine my shock today when Life is Good had a posting about my home state's strawberries & strawberry jam ... on which I am quite hooked myself!

Just another fun coincidence in the small world of blogging!

Tuesday

2008-07-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

Tuesday is a big day for me - I go back to the team of neurologists who gave me the unsettling news that I had a brain stem stroke at the age of 38. My recovery has been nothing short of amazing. The residual side effects are minimal, and certainly manageable even if they never go away.

Frankly, the biggest problem right now is that I am not a lot of fun when I get tired ... but I don't think I was before the stroke happened either, so I guess that is a wash! I am still dizzy (but not debilitatingly so), I have no temperature sensation on the right side of my body ... it is a strange sensation that I have, but still can't really describe it, and, I still have trouble reading for long periods of time or looking at a computer screen for any length of time. I don't know that the vision stuff will actually improve without assistance - I still look weird in a dim room because my left pupil is about half the size of my right. The kids think I am a circus freak and love to show that little trick to their friends. After the summer they have had, they can show anything they want!

My quote that I made into gifts for many of the wonderful people who have come out of the woodwork to make dinners, take the kids out for a fun day, take laundry, sit and chat, etc:
"Sometimes it takes a stroke of luck to learn of all your blessings ... thanks for being one of mine!"
My first round of crafty thank you's were 4th of July flip flop wreaths, which a friend of mine helped me to assemble - 12 wreaths later, we were covered in hot glue. I know people think I am nuts for taking on projects, but when you can't read, work on the computer for more than 15 minutes at a time, and tv is waaaayyyy overrated - you need something to do!

This has been an amazing 6 weeks to say the very least! I am healing and frankly, most people would not know anything had happened to look at me ... which is a good thing for which I am very grateful! I am also grateful for the love, the prayers, the support and the kindness which our community has surrounded us with. The kids have handled this in the best way that kids know how to - they ignore it and try to find as many ways to get into trouble as they possibly can!

Now, if I could just accept that I will never know why (physically why, I truly believe God got the message across for "why") this happened, and more importantly put aside the fact that no one can tell me if it will ever happen again! I have a definite black cloud hanging over my emotions all the time, and while I know that cloud is simply fear, I can't yet banish it and feel truly safe.

*The Secret Life of Kat - A Typical Southern, Suburban, Soccer Mom....or maybe not.

2008-07-16T06:18:00.000-07:00

*The Secret Life of Kat - A Typical Southern, Suburban, Soccer Mom....or maybe not..

I have been reading "Kat" for a few days now, and love her STYLE! I have taken quite a bit from her writings, and simply loved her last two posts - on parenting and "where were they". Such a great inspiration!

losing it ...

2008-07-16T06:03:00.000-07:00

recovery is going beautifully, I can do most of the things that I was able to do before the stroke, but now I am learning that I am losing my mind (actually, I was losing it before the stroke, but at least now Ihave an excuse!! Thank you God!)

On Sunday we were driving home from Church discussing how we wanted to spend the day. I was feeling pretty good after a bad day on Saturday (which was also beachgirl's birthday, more on that later) so we decided to go to the pool, have an early dinner and hit the beach for a twilight session of skimboarding and relaxing. Sounded like the perfect plan for a beautiful afternoon with the family.

TO THIS DAY I do not know why I went home and looked at my planner (which hasn't gotten a lot of use since early June) and realized that OMGoodness, Beachboy is supposed to go to camp THIS WEEK and check-in is at 3:00 and camp is 2 hours away ...

I had not packed
I did not have his physical form (to my defense, the form had been dropped off two weeks before with plans to pick it up this week because he was leaving for camp NEXT WEEK)
He didn't have a sleeping bag because a friend was using his
I had not packed
He was not ready and was a bit shell shocked

Well, a bizarre PEACE came over me as all of the kids started to frazzle ... hubbie called the doctor, who JUST HAPPENED TO BE ON CALL THIS WEEKEND ... AND ... WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE IN THE OFFICE ON A SUNDAY MORNING and hubbie went and picked up the physical form, the kids and I got beachboy all packed in 40 minutes flat (AMEN that we have kept up with the laundry for the last month), and beachboy was ready to go to camp in under an hour. We stopped at the trusty wal mart to pick up a 9.99 sleeping bag, and now my precious first-born is having a ball at camp and while I miss him terribly, I know that he is meant to be there and he will be well taken care of!

simply shocking

2008-06-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

a side note from "stroke speak" for today - yesterday at 3:39 in the afternoon, hubbie and I left our middle child - the red-headed beachgirl at mini-camp for two nights and three days! To many, this may not mean a whole lot, but when I think about the road of shyness that child has traveled to get to this point, it is still stunning to me that she is there!

Beachgirl dropped out of 2 & 3 year old pre-school (2 hours of fun a day) within the first week both years because she could not be separated from her mother. She never ever spoke to anyone outside of the family, she was so painfully shy she started crying as soon as we got in the car to go anywhere, even the playground. Yes, this drove me crazy, and I lost lots and lots of sleep thinking she would be socially backward for the rest of her life. She came around a bit when school started and loved going to Kindergarten and so on, but she still was extremely hesitant about doing anything new.

When her older brother started going to camp, she expressed no interest at all, and let us know that there was "no way" she was going to sleep away EVER - again, a tidbit that caused me much grief. Life started changing in small baby steps when she turned 7 and she went on her first sleep over birthday party. She didn't last all night, but she did make it until 10:00 when she got tired, found a phone and called us to come home to go to bed.

I am sure she just hit a new level of "readyness" when she started swimming, but I fully credit swimming with breaking beachgirl out of her shell! I laughed when I realized that the child was going to have to dive off the blocks ... she would never put herself out there like that for people to watch her (or so I thought)! No problem though, the first meet she just jumped right up on the blocks, dove off, was disqualified in the race, laughed, and that was the absolute end of the shy, demure, quiet little girl with whom we were so familiar.

And now she is at sleep-a-way camp! What a transformation!!!!!!

living in a small community

2008-06-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

When hubbie and I moved back to my hometown 8 years ago, I knew that I wanted to raise our kids in a community where I was comfortable and where I knew the "majors" - doctors, babysitters, preschools & schools, dentists, etc. The last two weeks have been an unbelievable reminder of the love and support that you can find in a small town (or three small towns to be more specific!)

The cards, flowers, best wishes, offers to take the kids, meals dropped off, you name it, are still flowing in, and I have no doubt God is absolutely tired to hearing all of the pleas, requests, begging and anguish from friends and family to protect me and out family. The outpouring of love and concern has been nothing short of amazing ... what a wonderful community we live in.

a bizarre side-effect

2008-06-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

"Googling" Brain Stem Stroke is an eye opening experience! Certainly a reminder that someone was looking out for me through this fiasco, and letting me know that I had better get my life in order since He gave me a "warning" but the opportunity to make good on my issues! I am scared half to death that if I don't take care of myself this could happen again and next time I could not survive, not regain consciousness, or need constant care. WHOA, I have three kids to raise and a wonderful husband who loves me (yes, all of this was a huge reminder to the two of us just how important we are to one another!)

On a lighter note, though, the most bizarre after-effect is this temperature "thing". The right side of my body cannot sense temperature at all. When I am put in a warm bath, the left side of my body feels the wonderful warm water as it surrounds me. The right side, feels the water and I can feel all sensations of things touching my skin, but I cannot feel the temperature AT ALL! Interestingly enough, if I put my right hand under hot water, the nerves must still sense the heat because my hand jerks out of the water, but it kind of does that by itself - really a strange sensation!

broken ... but blessed

2008-06-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

Hi blogging world, I am back ... and BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!!!

Two weeks ago, this 38 year old mother of three was given the opportunity to re-examine my life, my priorities, my family, my decisions and my God. On Tuesday June 10th, the day before the last day of school, I was sitting at the YMCA playing tic-tac-toe with a really great friend of our daughters, his mom came in the door behind me, and I turned my head to say hello to her.

"Hi ___________, (I don't remember what I was about to say to her) OMG, I feel sooooo dizzy" She told me to put my head down, and I started throwing up and sweating as I had never sweated before, and passed out. This cycle repeated itself 5 times, the ambulance came and took me to the hospital. Whenever I opened my eyes, the world was on a 90 degree angle and the nausea just came in waves and waves and waves.

The hospital staff was certain I had vertigo and tried to make me comfortable until the spell passed. I remember everything very clearly, and I remember not being able to keep down any medications for the nausea, and I always knew the throwing up was coming because the sweating would start and I would once again be soaked.

While the hospital doctors were ready to send me home, my blessed husband would have no parts of that whatsoever! My blood pressure was sky high, and he let everyone know that there was no way I could "get" home in this condition, and they had to come up with a reason for the blood pressure being out of control. I was admitted to the hospital at about 3am Wednesday morning ... and spent the entire next day dizzy, throwing up, sleeping, throwing up, eating bites of jello, throwing it up, sleeping ... you get the picture.

Late Wednesday afternoon, the hospital doctor (my doctor was volunteering in China at the time) did a couple of tests to prove that "all I had" was vertigo and it was time for me to go home. THANK GOODNESS, my mom was in the room at the time, because I was so sick after he was done with the "dizzy tests" that without my advocate, he probably would have sent me home. He felt that he had proven the vertigo issue, until Mom asked him to explain why I had passed out and why my blood pressure was so high. Apparently he had not seen the portion of my file regarding what happened at the Y. After a few minutes, he decided to keep me in the hospital and went ahead and ordered the MRI that the neurologist had recommended if I didn't get any better.

Early Thursday morning, I woke and realized that the nausea was gone! It was such a strange sensation to realize that I no longer felt like throwing up. I was getting better ... my head was still spinning like never before and my blood pressure was sky high, but I didn't want to throw up anymore!!!

My excitement with the prospect of eating was short lived as the neurologist came in my room around 7:30 to let me know that something showed up on my MRI, and with my permission, he wanted to transfer me to the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore ... to the Stroke Center.

At this point, my blood pressure was 210/180 ... and I was warned not to move my head too drastically in either direction (thinking about the "dizzy tests" the night before still causes me to sweat), and by noon the helicopter was on its way to take me to Baltimore. The father of one of beachdude's preschool classmates just happened to be the pilot of the flight - and I was completely at ease in his hands.

Once in Baltimore, I was treated like a queen in my bed as I was not allowed to go to x-ray, mri's or ct scans in a boring old wheelchair or on a gurney, I was not allowed to leave my bed, so they wheeled me around the hospital in my lounging bed. Boy, it made all of the technicians mad, but I was able to just keep sleeping and resting while they figured out what was going on.

I was honestly on an episode of "House"! Within an hour or two, the first group of residents showed up - Chase (the blond student who thought he had to be soooooo serious), Vera, the sweet neuro resident who carried 5 million tools in the 2 pockets of her white jacket and could never find the exact one that she wanted, and Dr. Z who was the chief resident and listened, and kept watching my eyes, and often schrunched up her nose at one of my answers who answered every one of our questions with "I am sorry, but until I look at all of the test results and your file AND talk to the neurologist I don't know anything".

Later that night, the group of doctors tripled as they squeezed into my tiny little room. This time, the neurologist was with them, and she let me know that I had a dissection in the left cerebral artery which caused a brain stem stroke. HUUUUHHHHH? Now, I must admit to reading romance, chick lit and medical mystery novels ... and the words "brain stem stroke" were almost laughable because in my books, I wouldn't be sitting here listening to you doctors telling me that I had a brain stem stroke. It really freaked me out ... how could this have happened to me? And no one had any ideas, nor was there anything other than observing me they were going to do. Surgery was really not the optimal solution because of the location of the dissection, plus the dissection appeared to have closed, and the symptoms were slowly easing. And, I was released.

SOOOOO, now I am back home, and a week later I am doing beautifully! I am still dizzy, however, not at all like in the beginning, just a wicked lean to the left, but I am getting more and more stable on my feet every day. I started physical therapy on Tuesday, and can already achieve many of the balance tests which I couldn't do when I first started. My doctor started me on blood pressure medication (beta-blocker) on Tuesday as well, and after 3 days on meds it is back to normal. Hopefully in another week, I will be able to back off the meds and the pressure will stabilize itself.

The hardest part is not being to be active like I am used to being ... and I am getting really bummed about that. I want to be back to normal now and while I am certainly grateful for the recovery that I have made so far, I want to get up in the morning, go all day, sleep at night and get up the next day and do it all over again.

days off

2008-04-24T04:51:00.000-07:00

I just love days off from school, especially when they happen in the middle of the week! Mondays and Fridays off extend the weekend, and are great fun as well, but usually I use the day off to make up for goofing up during the weekend when hubbie was home so the kids don't get to really enjoy the day. A day off in the middle of the week kind of feels like a "skip" day and we thoroughly enjoyed it with no work and just hanging out together along with a special lunch with Daddy!

The other great part about yesterday ... it was our first visit to the beach this season, and it was BEAUTIFUL! Although it was down right foggy, the sun was still out and felt so good on all of us! The kids built sand-castles, played "flops" and lots of lacrosse. We were on the beach for almost 2 hours and now I can't wait for summer!!!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HOME

2008-04-22T05:03:00.000-07:00

FINALLY, the third marking period of the 2007-2008 school year has come to an end. I am not sorry to see the last term end as it brought with it much drama, tears, arguments & life lessons that are always hard to learn. I am not certain I truly thought we would see a happy ending to the term, BUT WE DID!!!

Both kids made the "A" honor roll, which is certainly terrific, but more importantly Beachboy learned just how important organization is when it comes to his life at school and his life at home. I think even he was shocked that he managed to pull up two fairly miserable grades by working hard and being "present" in his life at school. He really pulled it off, and I am just so proud of him! Beachgirl didn't have quite so far to go this marking period, but she has grown from a solid B student early in the school year to a solid A student by the third marking period. She has taken a little longer to "get" how important it is to do your best, but the amazing thing about her is that she felt such a sense of internal pride - what her dad and I thought were secondary to how proud she was of herself for improving just so much. She definitely has a genuine love for learning and what an amazing opportunity it has been to watch her grow.

Beachdad surprised everyone by coming home with a double chocolate cake that said "super job kids!!" That was a great treat for everyone, and how cool that daddy thought of it all on his own!

Today was a GREAT DAY!

it is BEAUTIFUL outside...

2008-04-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

and I am only allowing myself a half hour on the 'puter! Of course, I have a zillion blogs to read (hello-mark all as read), 20 ad packets to email out and of course, I am spending the first ten minutes of my 30 posting!

Last night was an interesting one in the "little house at the beach". Beachboy had lax practice and when he got in the car was in a FOUL mood! I asked him what was wrong - I got the completely disrespectful "hands up, head bob" combined with the glassy eyes. Could I leave it alone - NO, so I kept asking various probing questions to find out what had happened and he kept answering the same way "nothing is wrong, MOM" but he was still being nasty in the car.

We got home, everyone took their showers, Beachdad came home after a fairly crappy day at work, and when Beachboy came down I again asked him if everything was ok ... and (unfortunately in front of his dad he FLIPPED OUT!!!) "STOP ASKING ME, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG, THIS IS STUPID, I'M NOT EATING," and on and on. Now then, respect is a big deal in our household so Beachdad was taking none of his outburst - all dissolved into an allout argument.

Beachdad was mad (really mad) at both Beachboy and me - Beachboy for being disrespectful and me for not letting the fact that he was in a bad mood go. But as his mother, I couldn't let it go because I had no idea what had happened! I didn't know if he had gotten hit by the ball, a stick or another player and was just being a "tough guy" and playing with the pain ... and he could be seriously hurt (yes, that has happened before), I didn't know if there was a problem with the coach or another player or what it could be. And the more he didn't tell me, the more I was getting upset that I have a 10 year old son who has decided that he can't tell me all that stuff going on in his life that is bothering him.

Turns out ... after 3 hours of a fairly intense practice, he was exhausted and didn't understand something one of the coaches was telling him and continued to do it wrong. But mainly, he was exhausted and didn't have the patience or energy to keep re-living it! PLUS, he knew it was silly to be so frustrated and angry about that, so he just wanted to forget about it.

Poor guy - I know being my son is not a walk in the park, and I kept him awake long enough to know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I love him more than the air I breathe, but when I ask what is wrong, JUST TELL ME ... and I promise to do my very very best to not suggest potential solutions (what have I gotten myself into????)

the lacrosse crowd

2008-04-15T05:29:00.000-07:00

this pic came from beachgirl's game this past Saturday ... and is such a commentary on the "crowd" that hangs out on the girl's lax field every weekend! I kept seeing Lilly, Vera, Pappagallo (I thought that brand didn't exist anymore), colored duckboots, Polo & kate spade on the field in spite of the spitting rain and eventual downpours.

Such a trip down memory lane - the names are just updated today, but when I was in high school, the preppy look was "in" and our school fell for it hook, line, and sinker! I had so many covers for my wooden pocketbook it took an extra 10 minutes each morning to coordinate which corduroy cover best accentuated my outfit!

And the headbands ... bad, bad memories ... won't even go there!!

Are you a child of the 80's?

2008-04-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

I am planning a 40th birthday party for my best friend and in putting together her pre-party website, I came across this list and I LOVE IT...embarassing how true it is! Are you a child of the 80's?

1. You consider Ocean Pacific a designer label.

2. You thought the Stray Cats were bringing guitars back to rock 'n' roll.

3. You thought the lead singer of Poison was hot ... until you realized she was a he.

4. You still get the shakes when you remember Apple Macintosh's 1984 advertisement.

5. You preferred Van Hagar to Van Halen.

6. You thought George Michael was straight.

7. You had just discovered this great new singer called Tina Turner.

8. You owned a home Beta video recorder.

9. The Day After gave you nightmares.

10. Your favorite G.I. Joe figure was Snake Eyes.

11. You wondered what Lisa Bonet was doing married to that loser Lenny Kravitz.

12. You never figured out who the crooks were on Murder She Wrote.

13. You believed The Last Temptation of Christ was going to send Martin Scorsese to hell.

14. You regard Look Who's Talking as a turning point in John Travolta's career.

15. You admired Bill Cosby's taste in sweaters in The Cosby Show.

16. You didn't realize The Official Preppy Handbook was a gag.

17. You rolled up the sleeves on your sports jacket for the Sonny Crockett look.

18. You had no problems thinking members of the Miami police department drove Lamborghinis.

19. You thought Burt and Loni were a fairytale romance.

20. You thought Clint Eastwood would one day be president.

THANKS VH-1

sleep glorious sleep

2008-04-14T03:41:00.000-07:00

FINALLY!! After one year plus of major sleep issues, I have slept through the night in my own bed without the tv on for three nights in a row!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it might have something to do with the tax refund coming my way (so I am not going to celebrate celebrate until this has happened for a solid month), but regardless, the spring in my step and the smile on my face is due to the fact that I once again woke up IN MY BED this morning!!!!!!!!!

goodnight

2008-04-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

things are quite peaceful around here tonight and I am feeling quiet and serene ... two feelings I don't often think of in myself. I want to be peaceful and serene, but unfortunately I think it takes too much work for me to ever really get there: there is always something else that needs doing, or some additional work that needs finishing, or more likely, some task that desperately needs ignoring. So peaceful and serene are usually right around the corner, but I don't get there often.

However, here I am tonight, and I just want to write and write and write. If I had something really exciting to write about, or a solution to all the big problems in life tonight would be the night that I would write my personal manifesto ... but I am not quite that serene - a few more bottles of wine might get me there. If you were to ask me the one thing that I want to be at all times it would be: with class. No matter which persona, or which mood I am in, I just want to show class at all times - with my family, with my good friends and acquaintances, as the president of the PTO and as a mom. Sometimes I feel like I can pull it off, and at others I feel like I am just a faker with my diamond earrings (first mother's day gift) and pearls (wedding gift).

OK, I am going to bed now, goodnite!

technology addict

2008-04-11T05:26:00.000-07:00

Hi I'm beachmom and I'm a ... is there such a thing as being addicted to technology, hardware, software, plug-ins, free-ware, open source, and on and on and on? If there is, I am pretty sure I qualify and I think I need some help.

For example, after having trouble communicating with a printer yesterday regarding a relatively simple spot-color publication, I spent the rest of the afternoon trying out various programs, trials and mournfully looking at my checkbook to realize that only by the gog I don't have enough cashola right now to break down and buy the creative design suite - and then spend the next 3 months finally figuring out illustrator & oh, crap, now I can't remember what the page layout component is. I used to use pagemaker eons ago, but when I started getting back into design, I couldn't afford the high-end program and I was simply doing work for myself and local friends with businesses, so the dreaded "Publisher" was adequate for putting together marketing pieces. COMMERCIAL PRINTERS HATE HATE HATE HATE PUBLISHER!!! I never ever send publisher pieces to printers - I always package them and convert to PDF, but the second they realize I used publisher they attack! I don't know enough about the business to be upset with the printer, but it does make my life difficult ... this is my side-job!

SO yesterday, I downloaded Scribus to see if that would be any help to me in talking to the commercial folks ... I am sure it won't be, but oh, well it is a fun way to spend the day!

taxes

2008-04-10T16:06:00.000-07:00

finally got around to doing our taxes today ... good news, refund coming-bad news, refund coming! Basically that means I am seeing (instead of just feeling) the downfall of hubbie working FOR an architectural firm and not able to do any design work on the side. In the past, we kept our number of exemptions relatively small because the extra taken out of salary made tax time bearable with the added income where we were not taking out tons of taxes. "Moonlighting" in architecture is completely not allowed, so we obviously need to work on another way of working on that extra income!!

But for right now, I will just be grateful that we don't owe any taxes this year which is a major bonus!!!

a quickie

2008-04-04T03:30:00.000-07:00

busy busy week in these parts especially with one day of beautiful weather thrown in! The grass was tended for the first time this season and man o man do I need to get out and deal with those weeds in the flower beds! I love the surprises of spring. Like when the house is freezing cold, I bundle up for the day, go outside and it is warm warm warm!

OK, so I don't like going back upstairs and changing ... but I love the warm warm warm!

5,8 & 10 year old Christians

2008-04-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

I am certain one of the "laws" of socially acceptable blogging is to avoid certain topics for posts ... and probably religion is right up there near the top of the list - BUT, what the heck ... I will share my little story anyway!

Last week I lost my grandfather after a month-long, fairly intense illness, surgery, recuperation and subsequent illness. We buried his body on Saturday with the help of the State Police (impressive ceremony especially when you realize he had been retired since 1965). It stinks, I miss him, my extended family is hurting ... loss of any type is just a major bummer. However, my family (immediate and extended) are Christians and most of us are Methodist, with a few Catholics thrown in.

Yesterday, on the way to lacrosse practice our eldest asked: "Mom, if Pop-pop-pop didn't believe in God, would he still go to heaven because of all of the great things that he did during his life?"

Me: "Well, first of all, Pop-pop-pop DID believe in God, so he is in heaven ... but no, our beliefs say that only by believing in God do we go to heaven regardless of our acts of goodness and kindness here on earth. The people in the Old Testament of the Bible tried to earn their way into heaven and we have talked about how difficult it would be to "earn" your way into heaven by your good deeds alone. We are fortunate that God allows us into heaven simply by believing in him."

AND FROM THE BACK SEAT, THE NEWLY TURNED 5 YEAR OLD SAYS: "No, Mom, you don't have to believe in God to get into Heaven, God says we have to believe in Jesus to get into heaven and I do so I will see Pop-pop-pop, and Mom-mom, and Mom-mom-mom and God and Jesus someday."

Someone has been listening in Sunday School ... and mommy needs to get her facts straight!!

Another anecdote from the last few weeks, the evening my grandfather died, our daughter asked if she could say blessing over dinner because "I have a really good one": Dear God, thank you for this food. Please take really good care of Pop-pop-pop because he is in heaven with you now. I hope I see him again someday ... just not too soon. Amen

and again I say, Amen!

don't know where to begin ...

2008-03-25T11:56:00.000-07:00

just when I am determined to figure out this whole thing called life - LIFE INTERFERES!!!

Saturday afternoon my beloved grandfather passed away after complications from a heart valve replacement. His procedure took place about 3 1/2 weeks ago and while the surgery went beautifully and the replacement valves looked great and were doing their job (as far as the ct scans showed), his lungs simply could not recover from all of the going-ons. After a really good week of recovery, he started failing and in the last week was returned to CCU and in a matter of days things went from bad to worse and worse and worse until we lost him on Saturday. While it is devastating to lose such a terrific man, and a wonderful grandfather, there is praise to be given that he is no longer in any pain at all. Our daughter asked to say blessing the evening he passed away, and it was as follows: "Dear God, please take care of Pop-pop...and I hope we can see him again soon, but not too soon. Amen" Now is simply the time to take care of the arrangements and then the time to mourn will begin.

Yesterday was Beachdude's 5th birthday. Talk about a bittersweet birthday!! My baby (my last baby) is 5!!!! How that is humanly possible, I have no idea ... but he is one awesome kid! Before my grandfather had his surgery, we had planned to go to the circus and chucky cheese with my parents, my aunt and their grandchildren. We decided Pop-pop would be upset with us if he knew we cancelled the plans because we were sad, so we decided to follow through with our plans. And what a wonderful day we all had!! You see, there is nothing a child's birthday and Funfetti cake cannot improve!

All my love to my grandfather ... and I will go fishing and eat clams casino with you again someday!

easter debate

2008-03-19T08:29:00.000-07:00

Should we celebrate Easter in school? This is the big question of the day in our community as a school board recently made the decision that there would be no eggs, bunnies, baskets, candy or parties in the school district during the Easter Season. I am already reeling from the fact that we cannot have a "moment of silence" in our schools because it reminds people of prayer and we cannot have that ... but somehow removing all secular imagery of Easter just gets my goat (or bunny)! I mean, really, what is the harm done with an Easter Egg Hunt and Egg Decorating? I like those activities as opposed to the alternative which is to watch a movie on the "big screen" for the last half of the last day of school before break!

on a lighter note ...

2008-03-17T07:29:00.000-07:00

beachboy had a lax tournament on Sunday and while we froze in the wind, rain and arctic temps., at least the lacrosse season is finally here! Beachboy has been playing for 4 years now, however, for some reason he has never played in this tournament. His team has gone the last 3 years, but we have missed it for one reason or another. ANYWAY, the team did a fabulous job - won one and lost three games ... but for a team that just came together as a whole two weeks ago, it was pretty impressive.

One of the remarkable things for me was the ability of beachboy to step up and take on a strong leadership role! The way our league works, the boys play at each level for two years. So, one year you are the newbie and the next year you are the experienced player. Beachboy loves playing with the older boys and loves following their lead and their direction and is very comfortable learning from them. Two years ago we were in the same boat we are now, where beachboy was one of the older boys of the team, but he was not at all comfortable being a leader. This year he has taken to that role with gusto and it is so much fun to watch leading the two younger boys who are playing defense and teaching them, on the field, how to read the players on the other team, help out the goalie, play middie back, etc.

He really loves to play this sport and is just so much fun to watch! Now, we just have to step up the allergy analysis and find a solution to the wheezing and congestion ... doesn't help the running very much!

yes, I am a believer!!

2008-03-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

My "spring" post last week has most certainly made a believer out of me:

1. the power of the pen - just taking the time to write down the jumbles of thoughts, fears and frustrations was amazingly cathartic. I have been able to take each point and focus on my issues and analyze where we have been and where I am going.

2. the power of community - WOW!! No one in my real world knows about this blog, however, the two comment responses and the emails that I have received make me realize that there is most definitely a blog world where there are kind and compassionate people who can sympathize, empathize and offer really really great advice!! Sometimes I feel very very alone in my own head because it is not easy to share my fears and failures with others. I really really bared my heart and soul and was not attacked for it - rather some very kind people came to my defense and offered some amazing insight - THANK YOU JCK AND HRH for taking the time to send such a wonderful message to a mom and woman who is in a tough emotional spot!!

3. the power of family - after I got up from the computer I spent the next 3 days focused on our children and found just so many amazing things in each and every one of them that I am grateful for and that make me laugh! Knowing I will get through this tough spot is all the sweeter knowing they are the reasons for being the person I am meant to be!

4. the power of GOD - am I "better" than I was last week? Not really ... Do I feel better than I did last week? Absolutely ... and I have no doubt that God's hand allowed me to reach out, express myself and receive such wonderful advice and suggestions back. Sometimes reaching out is what it takes to find the answers within and that is the best starting place of all.

And that, in a nutshell, is where I am today. Just starting! Starting to find out who and what I am meant to be as life evolves around me. Nothing is simple, that is for sure ... but I am at a starting point and will be picking and choosing my way through the next hours, days & months. And reading some great blogs by some great people!

spring is coming ... and this post is way toooooo long!

2008-03-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

we finally have a beautiful day here on the east coast and it reminds me just how much I love the onset of Spring and the imminent arrival of summer!!!

As with most people, I am at such a crossroads in my mommy-world and I don't think I am handling it very well. I am not sure I am handling the changes very well, nor am I doing a great job of accepting the fact that changes have to be made.

I am grateful that I have spent the last 10 years as a stay at home mom ... it is SOOO rewarding for me to know that Beachdad and I made a vow after our first son was born (yes, I said after - 3 and a half months after he was born, I accepted that I was going to be a full time mother). I love being a mother and I love that I have been focusing solely on the kids for their early years. I was heading back to work when our daughter turned 5, but then found out we were pregnant with our youngest. He turns 5 this month and will start kindergarten in the fall. Could he use me at home for a few more years? Yes. Will I be as effective a mom for him as I was for the first two if I don't go back to work? No. And that is very hard for me to admit to anyone, especially myself.

Why won't I be as effective?
1. I have invested my entire self in the kids schooling, and have come to the understanding that I am not an employee of the school district therefor I can only affect so much change. If I cut back drastically on my time spent in school, there will still be plenty of time to be a mother and help my children and their school work, but I won't be investing so much of myself in the school itself.

2. Not knowing all of the things that I know about school would probably be a good thing. Being the PTO president allows me access to information (mostly gossip, of course) that is extremely negative in nature ... and while all of it may not be true, being aware of the negativity and worrying that it so directly could affect the kids (in my heart I don't think it does) is completely scary.

3. We definitely have money issues. I think I naively thought that I was doing the right thing by staying home, but as the three kids are getting older, we have not properly adjusted the budget ... then because he had to get away from a very questionable work environment, my husband took a new job/career last April which will ultimately benefit our family, but did reduce his income and took away the bonuses that I didn't even realize were critical to making ends meet.

4. For the last 4 or so months, I have completely chosen to ignore all of the problematic issues that we are going through. Ignoring problems is my specialty, and I assume at some point they will be resolved. Deep, deep down I know this is not the way to handle issues, but I am now so deep in a "funk" that I have changed the way I am around my husband, my family, my parents and my friends. I am scared, uneasy and questioning our entire future. I don't sleep, I eat excessively and all the time (yup, you can imagine the weight issues), and yet, I continue to try to push the problems deep deep down so that I don't have to face them.

5. This is not the way to live! I am an educated, late-30 mother of three awesomely terrific kids and the wife to an amazing husband. They deserve so much more from me - more patience, more loveliness, more kindness, more family time, just MORE ME. They have not had "me" for so so long ... I have withdrawn into myself and become so aloof. Problems are "their fault" and I find myself yelling and angry at them all the time. Frankly, I hate admitting that I am angry all the time ... but I am angry at myself, not angry at them - they haven't made me this way. I made me this way and I have definitely GOT to find a way to evolve out of this personality.

WHEW, this is probably the longest I have spent thinking about my life and issues in a long long time. Now I just need to figure out how to come out of this funk. Suggestions?

3/13/08

2008-03-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

1. 2nd to last day of State Testing - yeaahhhh!!!

2. I have been married for thirteen and a half years and finally today went and requested a copy of my Social Security Card with my "married name" since the school district I would like to sub for would not accept my maiden name card. The SS office was surprised I had never received a card when I changed my name, but the records showed that one had never been sent. I guess the number is more important than the name to everyone except the school district.

3. LAX has started full force around here with sticks, balls, cleats & under-armour scattered about the garage.

4. D*M*, I meant to have the garage fully organized by now so the kids would have a place to put all of the above-mentioned equipment!!!

5. We finally switched to digital cable, but only have ONE CONVERTER BOX ... so now beachdude hangs out in my office/den to watch noggin all day long!!! I am learning many new kids characters...

6. Question of the day ... if this year was not a leap year, would today be Friday the 13th? For the life of me, I cannot figure that out that this given moment!!

money money money

2008-03-11T11:17:00.000-07:00

wow, there is definitely something frustrating about money! There is NEVER enough of it, it keeps hubbie away from home more than we would like and it keeps me awake from 2am until 6 most nights. If there was actually a fairy who could grant me one wish, it would simply be to "keep money from ruling our lives"!! I hate that money - spending it and not spending it has such a profound effect on my life and personality from day to day.

Even having money in the bank (which I don't right now, but still there are times when it happens) causes worry, because what do we do with it - spend it, save it, what if it is not there when I need it? OMG, I am driving myself crazy with all of this ... but the kids are healthy, Beachdad likes his career so fortunately that won't be changing anytime soon, and it looks like I will be able to remain an at-home mom until beachdude goes to school full-time in the fall. Yes, I am sure I seem like a spoiled brat about all of this, but I want to stop worrying ... I mean, come on, worrying doesn't solve anything!!

Pet Peeve Alert ... STATE TESTING

2008-03-07T07:54:00.000-08:00

OK, I am the first to admit that I am WAAAYYYY over the top on this issue, but our kids are in the middle of state testing this week and next and I am so frustrated that I actually had a "fit" (yes, I raised my voice and expressed my anger) with our vice-principal. While I try very hard to control my temper, this state testing issue has pushed me beyond the limits ... and now I will vent!

I am simply stunned by the absurd attitude that has overtaken our elementary school regarding the state tests. First, because of scheduling issues beyond our control, the testing is almost three weeks earlier than usual this year. You would think, however, that the testing is 6 months earlier than usual based on the frantic, almost manic, cramming that is going on in the classrooms. Beachboy came home MONDAY (math test started Wednesday) with a brand new way of executing multiplication of 2 places and 3 places which he had never seen before and was told by his teacher: "this is the only way you can show multiplication on the state test". HELLLOOOO, are you kidding me? My response: "Beachboy, we will do this worksheet for homework, then you can forget this method until after state testing is done and we will go back to this method so that you understand what it is". His math teacher was furious with me, but I calmly explained that Beachboy could not change his methodology at this late date and I did not expect him to. [Mind you, I have been working with my son on my own based on state standards so that he would be prepared for the upcoming math topics, which his teacher, unfortunately, has not been doing].

Issue #2: we received a phone call Sunday Night from the school system "reminding us" that state testing was starting this week and we needed to make sure our children got plenty of sleep this week and ate a nutritious breakfast every morning because these tests are so important. IMPORTANT TO WHOM????? It does not affect my son or daughter's education ... as a matter of fact, if the school did poorly maybe the school would go back to teaching the basics which we parents have been screaming for for the last few years! Shouldn't our students be getting plenty of sleep and eating a great breakfast every morning that they go to school? And why does the school provide free breakfast only during state testing? Why not all year long?

I have begged, pleaded, volunteered and everything else I can think of to energize our administration and teachers to accept that they are responsible for the education of an entire generation of students. The students in their classrooms this year will only be there for one year, so no matter how tired they may be, or how tired they are of the material they are teaching, they owe it to our students to be the best teachers they can possibly be. I still get excuses and complaints on a regular basis...never, concrete answers or suggestions on how we can move our program forward and deal with our excelling students as well as those who are lagging behind. But believe me, the stress and pressure is on the kids right now ... "you had better get a 4 or a 5 on the test this year or else our school will not keep its superior rating"! That is not fair to a 4th grader who is dealing with a ton of hormonal and emotional issues as well as already has test anxiety.

OHHHHH, I am an angry MOM right now!!

Precision and Order are all that I Ask...

2008-02-28T07:23:00.000-08:00

Our family Christmas Present from my brother was a wonderful trip in January to NYC to see Mary Poppins. We had a wonderful wonderful time and the kids just loved the play (it was their first Broadway Show ... and what a great one to begin with!)

Just a week or so ago, my brother asked if I was sure the kids had a good time, because he loves the idea of giving the theater as a gift and would like to do it again next year! Well, I think the "proof is in the picture" ... this morning, beachdude came downstairs after dressing himself with his "briefcase" and "umbrella" singing word for word "Precision and Order" from the play.

Yes, I think the kids LOVED the play!!

no good deed ...

2008-02-27T11:06:00.000-08:00

goes unpunished! Is that the quote? Today has just been one of those "through the dryer and still feeling damp kind of days!!"

My involvement with the PTO at the kid's school is not my favorite thing to talk about because it makes me sound like such a negative nellie. But, today has been one of the worst and I just cannot believe the nerve that people have. People who don't volunteer, help out, participate in any way except to send "nasty grams" every time that they can. I just got a new VP, god love him, and his words to me this morning were "The only words that should be coming out of anyone's mouth about the pto's activities should be 'thank you'"! I love supportive people and I love the sentiment. However, I can deal with criticism one on one. I know all of the work that our committees do on a daily basis at our school, so we have nothing to apologize for. Could we do things better? ABSOLUTELY!! Could things be more organized? ABSOLUTELY!! But come to me personally about these issues, or come to one of our monthly board meetings to express your concerns.

getting along with others rule #997:
DON'T VENT IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OF AN E-VITE inviting you to come to school and judge a children's poster contest!!!!!

The day WILL TURN AROUND ...

4th Grade

2008-02-25T07:05:00.000-08:00

When we first had BeachBoy, I was warned about the late nights, colic, the terrible twos lasting longer than just that 12 month period, the heartache of that first day of school. I am in the process of preparing myself for the pre-teen hormones, the teenage years, again staying up late into the night as he drives and goes out, the heartache of his first heartbreak, meeting his future wife and not liking her at all, then accepting the woman he marries. THEN easy street with grandkids and all that joys that my parents are currently experiencing.

HOWEVER, no one, and I mean no one warned me about 4TH GRADE HELL!!!! There is no other way to describe the tumultuous household that we currently have with our 10 year old 4th grader:

No respect ~ No responsibility ~ attitude ~ no drive or ambition ~ doesn't care about school, sports, life in general ~ forgets EVERYTHING

He simply cannot get it together. If he survives to the age of 11, I will be stunned. Beachdad and I stay awake at nights trying to figure out what is going on, where our awesome kid went, and when is he going to come back home. I miss him terribly and I just pray he comes home soon - I will welcome him with open arms! Until that glorious day, however, we will continue to ride him, take away privileges, add to his chores, continue to love him and pray, pray, pray that things will get better!

it was AWESOME!!!

2008-02-19T14:41:00.000-08:00

there are times that I am so frustrated by our school that I could just scream ... but then there was this weekend when I was in absolute AWE!!

We survived the 2008 school play this past weekend ... and for only having two lines, Beachboy did a fabulous job. His largest feat was "pretending to talk" while his microphone was on so that no one else could hear anything. I was impressed by his skill! Actually I was impressed by all of the actors skills ... considering we are not an arts or magnet school, our school putting on "The Sound of Music" with 3rd, 4th & 5th graders was impressive in and of itself. The amazing quality of the production was quite a credit to our students and directors! WOWOWOWOW ... is all I can say!

a sidenote:
Off to make dinner ... Daddy is not home tonight so we are having gourmet Chicken Condon Bleu (frozen and pre-packaged) with scalloped potatoes (also frozen and pre-packaged)! Daddy won't eat this particular meal, so whenever he has a late night with no dinner at home, the kids beg for it!

must we not learn from (our mother's) mistakes?

2008-02-11T19:18:00.000-08:00

poor beachboy is not having a great week (month, 6 months) by any stretch of the imagination ... and it is driving me batty! Mainly driving me batty because that poor child is living every mistake, screw-up, test and trial that I experienced at the same age. I don't really have a good way to let him know that "everything you are doing to get out of doing homework/being responsible/telling the truth/getting good grades, is just very simply NOT GOING TO WORK ... so you might as well just "hop-to", get your work done, and accept that you currently have no control over your life."

He is insisting on learning all of this the hard way, and frankly, it is starting to piss me off! Definitely not a good day around here today.

gotta be a quickie

2008-02-07T06:40:00.000-08:00

snowballs here, snowballs there ... my procrastinating ways have finally caught up with me and I have been way too busy for the last week! Throw in a bad case of pink eye and a respiratory infection (read nebulizer treatments) for BeachBoy and final week of play practice (yahoo) for BeachGirl and the BeachFamily bus service has been in full swing.

Update - I was actually the recipient of the part time job I talked about last week and finally got in all of my paperwork for substituting. Maybe there is light somewhere in the depths of the deep black hole of financial trauma that we are experiencing. I only know that I have slept through the night for two straight nights in a row! How to juggle two additional responsibilities, I have no idea ... but at least I am "doing something" about our problems instead of "hoping" they will go away.

BeachDude is away for the day with his awesome grandparents ... so I have six open hours to finish (well, start and finish) the school play program, a zillion thank you notes and get our health insurance payment in the mail by 2 pm. Wish me luck!

job interview ?!?!

2008-01-31T06:58:00.000-08:00

WARNING ... this picture titled "sheer happiness of a devil child" has nothing to do with my post. But, I love it so!!

Now back to our regularly scheduled post:
I went on my first "job interview" this morning! Well the "job" part might be a little mis-leading ... it is more of a part-time intense hobby type of job, but they pay actual cash for the type of stuff that I currently do for free for the PTO, the Lacrosse League, friends & family etc. So, it was pretty heady stuff for this SAHM who listed her last paying job as 1997 ... and then listed tons of volunteering projects that I have done since the little ones came along.

My favorite comment ... "you mean you could ACTUALLY put together the program and send it to a printer?" Yes, why yes I could! Not sure who this group has been interviewing over the last few weeks, but my skill set certainly seemed to be a good match! fingers crossed!

My creation

2008-01-29T12:03:00.000-08:00

My creation, originally created by fd's flicker toys.

I love love love finding new toys to play with ... thanks to Zoot for directing me to this one! Christmas in the Square!

bas ket ball

2008-01-29T11:11:00.000-08:00

basketball,

Beachboy has been a lacrosse fanatic for 3 years now. The first year was a complete waste because he hated it, didn't understand the sport, and found the time he spent on the field a complete waste. I stressed and fretted, but stuck by our rule "if you start a season you finish a season" so there was no choice about quitting! A friend who had older boys who played told me this was normal ... hang in there he would become a lax junkie!

SURE ENOUGH ... after his first horrendous season, he cannot get enough of the sport now! AND, he is doing very well. The best of players (NO), the most athletic (NO), the toughest (NOOOOOO) ... but the boy loves to play and he is coachable. (Hubbie taught me what that means).

SO, fast-forward to this past November when he really really really wanted to play league basketball. Mind you, it can be cold where we are and indoor lacrosse is only offered one day a week, so he wanted to play a winter sport. He started early in the season with excitement and enthusiasm. We have progressed from the early days of having absolutely no athletic ability whatsoever, to being a pretty good athlete. Unlike his mother, his two feet can move independently of one another ... a definite bonus for playing the sport of basketball.

Is he the best on his team (YES), is he the most athletic (YES), is he the toughest (YES) ... now, this might sound like I am a little full of myself ... but ... and this is a BIG BUT... his poor poor team is absolutely pitiful! They have played 14 games so far and the closest score was 14 - 1!!!!!! Beachboy is not feeling the enthusiasm or the excitement any longer. If he could quit, I know he would, he hates it ... but remember the rule: "if you start a season, you end a season" ... maybe next year will be better!

I don't know about you

2008-01-29T07:28:00.000-08:00

...but I have a really hard time writing when things are not going so well! This time it is financial ... after 10 years of not working and staying at home with the kids, our financial situation has finally gotten to the point of major suckage!! This has been coming for a year or so, and I have been trying to "stem the tide", but the big ole wave is getting closer and closer to home and I am not quite certain how we are going to get out this time. My major piece of advice to anyone who might want to ask, don't think that your credit cards can solve any problems... they simply make things worse, and worse, and worse. Now, I have always known that the cc's were a stop-gap measure for a very short period of time, but as the kids have gotten older and older, the opportunity to pay back down to zero balances has simply disappeared.

7 months until the littlest one is in school full time ... we have promised I wouldn't go back to work until then and we have been so relieved to have been able to keep that promise, but something has to change, and soon!

cool mom ... NOT~!

2008-01-24T13:18:00.000-08:00

but … the kids came home from school today in a cute little snow storm that we are having. They got home, went to the snack cupboard and Beachboy said “awwww, I wish we could have snow ice cream but I know you never got the stuff”. I love love love the days that I can surprise them and I did! So, here you go, straight from Paula Deen … SNOW ICE CREAM!!

8 cups of freshly fallen snow
1 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk
1tsp vanilla (although chocolate sauce truly works better)

Quickly mix all three ingredients … even more quickly serve in bowls and pour chocolate sauce over the top & serve!

Truly one of the more awesome things this mom does (yes, that is pathetic!!)

day off from school

2008-01-21T17:35:00.000-08:00

thanks to MLK day, we had no school today! I tried something new today, and spent the entire day at our best friend's house so that the kids could all play and hang out ... and we could enjoy a day of no driving and dropping, laundry, cleaning and organizing. I took my computer with me so I could finish a "picture project" for my mom ... figured out that I had to re-format my flash drive to "fat-32" (whatever) so that it would accept all of the pictures ... so I wasn't COMPLETELY USELESS!!

Once I finished the hard, hard work of the day ... we curled up on the sofas with blankets & iced tea and totally vegged in front of the huge tv, watched a full morning of TLC, then "The Devil Wears Prada" - can you say, awesome bangs & eyeliner - and then watched 3 episodes of "better by the dozen" about these amazing (sort-of) families with 12 or more kids. OMG OMG OMG!!

Meanwhile, our 6 kids ranging from 4 through 11 were truly having an awesome awesome day playing video games, outdoor football in 16 degree temps, hairstyling and creating a "spa" as well as eating pizza, birthday cake & everything else that wasn't nailed down in the house.

THE BEST DAY OFF FROM SCHOOL EVER!!!

giraffes

2008-01-18T11:22:00.000-08:00

"I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe."

I have google desktop, and this quote was in my "Quote of the Day" today - attributed to Richard Gere. I usually do a "quick check" of email and reader before anyone else in the house wakes up in the morning just so I know what is up for the day. This quote has stuck with me all day because it has taken me a long long time to feel this comfortable about myself. If someone were to ask me, I would tell them that I finally felt like an "adult" when I could finally accept who I am with no apologies or exception. When I finally didn't apologize for being a SAHM in spite of the fact that our financial outlook is dismal. When I finally realized that THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD RAISE MY CHILDREN WAS ME regardless of what all of the "experts" (including my mom) had to say. When I finally realized that I could have an opinion and support that opinion even when it went against common beliefs.

I was 6 feet tall in the 7th grade and my nickname all through high school was "giraffe". Now, if that sounds endearing to you, you must be 5'2" and desperate to be taller because it was awful. But, being tall came with one benefit that I did not realize until I was much much older, and that is that tall people are definitely taken more seriously that shorter ones - especially girls. Had I realized this when I was in high school, my life would have been a whole lot easier. But, as it was, all I felt was gawky, awkward, and geeky. To make matters worse, I had absolutely no coordination which meant that sports of any kind were out of the picture. I was, however, to the horror of my son, a cheerleader. I loved cheering, the uniform, the saddle shoes (yes, we wore them in the late 80's), the hair ribbons. I never felt out of place when I was cheering, but omg, I should have - I look back at the pictures and now completely understand why they called me "giraffe"!